When asked if she is married she admits that that is rather complicated and its best to go with Professor. And nary a mention of any other character to make her relevant. Here River is a warm, kind, intelligent, funny and poignant presence. The Silence in the Library, The Pandorica Opens and The Husband of River Song are all good examples too.

I love those few occasions were some restraint is apparent in her writing, she’s an active female protagonist and that the mystery that surrounds her character is made to work. Which is why when stories like Five Twenty-Nine come along I am absolutely delighted because I am proven completely wrong (by my own standards) and River is made to sing. Alex Kingston’s performance veers between quietly masterful and insanely self-knowing and superior. I’m certain she would bomb in the Bechdel Test. Often, she is written as a male fantasy lead rather than a strong female character in her own right and often she is portrayed as somebody who cannot exist without the Doctor. She reminds me of the worst excesses of humanity too smug, too knowing, too violent and too amoral.

Hello Sweetie: It cannot have escaped peoples notice that I am not the biggest fan of River Song. But how can she win when survival becomes a race against time itself? A race against Five Twenty-Nine? But if she can save just a few, then it might just help her solve the conundrum of Earth’s destruction. What’s it About: River has made a terrible discovery.

The Diary of River Song by John Dorney